Rollercoaster kind of life

Decided to create my blog over herez.. friendster blog have limited storage & the old post can't be seen in that blog.. still in the midst of moving all the old entries over here..

Sometimes i wonder why my life can never be simple like most of the people in the crowd..it's tough when u have stand alone, facing the stress alone & just get on with life. There are something in life that friends can't always be there, or to rather say, friends can't be there available for me always.. they still have their own life to lead.

When problems plague me, no one can understand how i feel..coz they are not me.. feeling a lot this week.. esp this week.. maybe no one can understand why i value my own birthday so much.. for presents? No way.. my previous entries about the presents was just for fun. I do doubt my own existence at times, feeling that my existence seems to be of value to no one. So the purpose of birthday is so that my frens value me & make me feel that life is worth living after all.

I'm not trying to sound pathetic nor asking anyone to pity me.. coz i hate pple who ever take pity on me.

It's just that writing all these out makes me feel better...
Ever since i started working full time, life seems to take on a different cycle.. other then feeling the distance with my friends, life become much more stressful, can't really draw a close distance with my colleagues as i wld never know who are the reliable ones or those that are back stabbers.
Office life is much more stressful and interaction with people is dropped to the minimum.. unlike working in the restaurant, where almost everyday is fun & enjoyable,, i get to interact with my frens at work & with the customers as well.. if one were to ask me which i enjoy more..it is definently the latter.. Well, but i won't switch job as ultimately, i'm someone who doesn't settle for a simple life.. i would want to succeed in the future..
One of the reason in facing the problems alone is being focus on the positve.. last time no matter what i face, i would chose to distract my problems by being serious in my studies.. now the purpose of carrying on in life is my career.

Leading a single life ain't easy.. i have totally gave up the idea of getting attached & can't see myself getting attached in the future.. that's the kind of life, i wanna lead.. though it would not be easy but that's the path i have decided to take..no regrets.