Just came back from service and now waiting to start work at Grill.

Today's message was preached by Joyce Mayer, a great anointed woman of God.

"Receiving the Love of God & letting it flow into other people's life."

The next few phrases she mentioned struck me and got me reflecting..

" We need to have a good relationship with ourself, we got to have good value in ourself."
Many atimes, i have a tendency to get grumpy and upset about my own flaws, always feel that i am not good enough, always envy and wish i was someone else..hoping i could be as pretty, smart and rich like them.
I was never satisfied about myself and all these sums up to having a bad relationship with myself.

She went on to share about her past, how she wish she had a sweeter voice,a normal life like any married woman...but she since overcame it and became a preacher, having her own minstry and helping people all around the world.

Indeed everyone is created differently, if everyone on the street look like one another, how boring would this world would be.

Until i know i don't have to impress anybody only then i know i have total confident to say i have totally learn to love myself.

Going to make it a goal to love myself more each day..accepting the way i am created for i am unique in my own way!

Jia You Cindy!!

For the first time, i am at office so early in the morning.

Once again, i had Insomnia..

Thus no matter how long i lay down on my bed, i just can't fall asleep, therefore i don't want to waste any more time and decide to come to work insteadz.

Reason for Insomnia??

Well..i was sad, kinda emo-ing...

Recently was kinda on closer terms with this friend of mine, knew him years back but only manage to catch up and talk more this two months.

He's quite not bad looking and quite a gentleman..and plus on chatting with him, his personality does resembled the 'him'.

It's been almost a year plus since i have feelings for someone.. wanted to test myself wherether was i numb emotionally and thus somehow decide to try liking him.

oh well..this sounds rather lame... at times, i don't even understand myself..


Or rather i shall put it this way, i missed those times i had with 'him', those never ending conversations, those days of closeness as a friend.. those times we have at work.. somehow i am a one-to-one kind, i like to be close to guys, not close to one whole group but an individual.

So in a way,ever since 'he' and me drift apart in the friendship, i had missed totally such moments, thus upon knowing this guy, makes me want to rekindle those feelings againz.
I sounds rather silly...

But somehow history always repeat itself, i am confirmed too that this guy doesn't appreciate my feelings.

So once again, oh well..

*Silly Me*

No matter how i try to look my best, i am still this woman that is not liked by or chased by any guys...it kinda sucks, really..

Anway..once again, to those who are reading this post..pls don't worry..if u know me well, i be alright in a while time.


Every woman, from a teenager to an adult, good looking or average or below average, smart,not so smart, rich,poor..all these categories woman does want to be loved.

Afterall, it feels good to be loved, valued & of importance to someone.

But society has outcasted the average & below, to have no priveliage to have feelings for the opposite sex.

Not true? Ask guys who are being liked by girls who belong to such category..the childish guys would chose to avoid these womans, the much mature one would keep them as friends. But one common would be, they would be laughing on the inside of being liked by such.

Outsiders? They would be thinking: "Pls lar, you this kind of looks, u think he will like you meh, why on earth are u getting so upset by someone who doesn't even like you."

Conclusion: Only the pretty and outstanding get attached and loved or the average but well-liked personality are chosen.

The rest? Get a Life and move on...

However, i don believe in conforming to the thoughts of society..

I still believe and I am not going to dwell in low self-esteem, for i hold on to the hope of meeting a guy who doesn't go for looks, someone whom i love and loved me back and the guy fulfills the criteria of my ideal guy. To meet the someone who is meant to walk alongside with me for the rest of my life.

I do not want to be shortchanged of what life has for me..

This blog is like a sea in front of me, where i shout out all my troubles and sadness..



As for now, my bad habit is to meanwhile numb myself with work..to be busy and nothing but busy..but there' nothing for me to be busy with either..

Will only be studying next year, can't join the silent ministry yet and as for work, office work doesn't have much workload and in Grill, all i do is cashiering & riverbank..giving me more time to be alone and dwell more.

Emotions are like rollercoaster..

Nevertheless, as for this moment, i got to get back to work and keeping my brain to think properly despite not sleeping the whole of last night.

Sitcom have Jia You Jing Shun..my life story title should be changed likewise to Jia You Cindy!!

I trust in HIM. For it is where i have the Strength and JOY to carry on in life no matter how life goes..

Rejoice in the Lord always & again i say Rejoice.