Sustained by His Grace, Carried by His Strength..





In Life, we gain some, we lose some..

School begins again next week, and one of the module has not been confirmed due to lack of vacancy and could only wait for further notice. Thus it's only 1 week once of lesson commencing this Thursday..

Have been planning my schedule and i am glad everything fell into place.. Other than my full time work, my schedule will be as follows:

Monday: PT work

Tuesday: PT work

Wed: PT work

Thurs: Lessons

Fri: CG

Sat: PT work

Sun: Service & fellowshipping.. In Aug, will be re-commencement of my sign lanuguage courses

Sounds like i am back to my "no Life-ness".. but oh well, it's just a short-term plan in order to facilitate my long term plan..

Was thinking through, since i am back to my single life, i can do what a single can do... and that is..

Getting out of Singapore!!

Since last year, when my friend shows me about applying a Holiday Maker Visa in UK.. had researched about it halfway and gave up the idea when i got attached and now that it's over.

http://www.ukvisas.gov.uk/en/howtoapply/infs/inf15workingholidaymakers

Was thinking about the idea againz..

One only get to live life once and i am young once only... don't wish to grow old in S'pore without stepping out into another country and having a life time experience..

In UK, i can go work part time at what i do best.. Waitressing..overseas rate per hour is rather high.. and subject to research more abt the pass, i can continue studying ACCA over there..

Two major points to consider though, my Family and the high cost of living over there.. being the exchange Rate from Sing is almost Triple..

Thus meanwhile, i shall work hard and save up for future plans and if eventually i won't be going to UK, i can pamper myself to go overseas for holiday..

Have never tried to go on holiday myself before.. don be mistaken that i am making myself sounds so pitiful.. simply because going alone is free & easy, it's harder to go with a grp of frens making sure everyone time table fits.. and i can have time for myself, to love & pamper myself and can plan for future better plans based on the experiences and be more knowledgeable and most imptly even if it is a single trip, it's not a lonely trip simply because of Him.

In regards to the break-up.. i have decided to move on..

Previously how i handled heartaches was to stay on the same spot,pitying myself,getting all Emo as reflected in all my previous entries esp the very first post.. Staying on the same spot means living in a self-denial life, wishing & naively thinking that waiting on the spot will bring the pasts back.. when it was all just but a self-built fantasy..

Moving on means to me, even if tears may drop, even if the heart still aches.. life still goes on..a balance life that is.. and not numbing the pain by working non-stop as i previously did by burying my face with tons of work.. it means continuing with pursing your dreams and cherishing your family and fellowshipping with friends and not running into a cave asking for attention all the time..

I move on with the pain knowing that Agape Love & Time heals and it will..

Though the time spend together was for a period, i am still glad in my journey of life, u had been a part of it..if time were to be back to 12 Feb 2008, i will still exchange the number with u..every words expressed are sincerity out of my heart,i am bad at expressing in speech and thus can only let u know my deepest of thoughts for the past 2 weeks.. for Memories are precious & i will always remember the words of encouragement & advices u gave,the prayers u prayed & from a positive viewpoint, it makes me realised the part of me that needed a change tt only God can bring.. hope we individually will move on not with bitterness in our hearts but with gladness hoping the best for each other. That should be our Godly attitude isn't it..

I know it seems silly to type it out on the blog for everyone to see and how i wish i could lock just this particular entry to everyone except for u to view..

Here's a wish for U:

-> To achieve & continually pursue your dreams & goal..the vision that He gave to u..

-> To be happy and stress-less everyday of your life..

-> God's Joy, Peace & Protection will always be by your side & your family..

-> To find the special one who u truely love and walk with u for the rest of your life and i sincerely mean it..

-> To find that special someone who shares the same passion, vision and dreams with u..

-> and that u likewise will wish for me the same prayers..

-> Months or Years down the road, when we bump into one another, don't ignore me & we still can be friends.

for the 2nd important person in my life, i wish the same wishes for u:

Yi Ding Yao, Bi Wo Shuang Bei, Kuai Le, Bi Wo Xing Fu..

God Bless..

As of 12 June'08...my relationship of 4 months have ended...

No one's to blame.. it ended because of differences & 1 similarity..

the similarity is because in this relationship, it started because both of us were looking for companionship rather then commitment...

Yupz, have to admit that i have this fact in me.. i can stay truely committed to christiantiy, to work and studies but in relationship.. guess it's due to past hurts that i feel that there's no security in a BGR relationship..



Christians or non-christians couples still are prone to break-ups... Humans are generally not perfect and they do fail at times..

But Kudos to those who are truely commited to all who are truely in love..

i Know my God never fails..

in terms of work.. it might ended up being retrenched or the job have no space for further improvement.. but the solution is easy, as long as u are able and have the relevant knowledge & flexible, it's easy to find another job.

In Terms of Studies, i know as long as i study hard enough.. it's just a matter of time that i can obtain my degree.

But relationship.. it takes both hands to clap.. it seems easy on the surface..

Boy Meets Girl

BOy & Girl have chemistry

BOy & Girl become frens

Boy & Girl consider each other

Boy & Girl are in Love...

and they stay happily forever after..

Don't it remind u of a fairytale story..

In reality.. there are many intangible factors to consider..

Are u able to accept the other party flaws? Though not about approving it..
For eg: If she has a temper problem, one don't approve of her doings but about being there to help her out, encourage her to minimise the temper problem..

Common Interests & goals are important too.. He likes games, he's more on the intelletual side with a interest in politics..
As for me, I am more of the workaholic kind, who conversation does not stray too far from work.. i enjoy talking about restaurants, food and daily life events & etc.. shall not elaborate further..

Common friends.. Singapore is a small country, spending time as a couple is always either watching movie, exploring the restaurants in S'pore or end up @ each other house, slacking away. Where there is common frens, hanging out together at a shopping centre becomes more enjoyable then he watching her shop & he looks bored & is obliged to carry her shopping bags.. Hanging out a cafe or at frens house, chatting away or playing games away makes life enjoyable.. For the More the Merrier..

Companionship vs Commitment

Companionship is more about finding some one to spend your time with when you are free and wanted a break away from Work & studies.. it's the ME factor that's at work..Humans enjoy company..someone to talk & laugh with & share your troubles & happiness with... Read the Harvest Times where Pst Kong shares about finding the Right partner, in one paragraph he wrote abt companionship: Companionship is not a true relationship, for if u need companionship, having a dog will be sufficient enough..

Commitment is abt the WE factor.. it's about looking about for each other.. someone who will stay commited to u always..It's about making the other party Happiness a major priority in life, it do consists of companionship but it highlights more other important factor.. When the person u love is happy & successful, u delights in it.. Loving the person for who he or she truely is, taking time to truly understand the other party and not about placing your criteria of a "Perfect Partner" and ensure him to be in equality.

All this is just a summary of my thoughts of entering the 2nd relationship and ending it.

Thus, from now till then.. i got to learn to be able to step into the Commitment Factor..

Became more Positive after experiencing an extreme Negative Process:

A break-up for whatever reasons, is nonetheless a painful process.. when he first broke the news, seriously i wasn't alright, no matter how rational the reason is..it became an excuse to me.. Could not sleep the whole of Thurs night, came to work yesterday hoping to be strong and not letting my emotions grow weak.. it was successful for the half day, i talked happily to my colleagues, laughing away as i was suppressing my pain, pretending everything was alrightz when it was not..

After lunch, i could not endure it anymore..memories flooded my mind & realised how much i love him and didn't want him to be out of my life.. thinking of the fact that i lost him as a bf was tormenting and i called my cousin crying out for help..
Went home while tearing on the bus, the familiar feeling of lost & helpness all over once again filled through my mind, didn't understood why this had to happen, why i have to go through feeling the loss of someone important again.. I cried & cried & cried and for the 1st time in my life, i cried till i lost control of all rationality..mind was totally blank & anything could have happen..thus called my cousin with my last bit of strength.. i must have scared her though, with that type of lost control crying.. Thinking back, for the 1st time, i felt so totally weak & helplessness... Didn't know what to do and missing him i called him to meet up in the middle of the night...

We met, my rationality had came back.. we chatted and discuss about the problems that we face and the different opinion of solution.. i wanted to patch back, he wanted to be back as frens first.. i wasn't willing to compromise until i realised:

If u love someone,you want him to be Happy
If u love someone, let him go,
If he comes back to u, he's yours..
But if he don't.. then it was never to be mine in the first place..

Don't the phrase sounds all too familiar.. sounds like a typical passage u read from dramas.. but didn't expect i have to apply this principle in real life.

In this relationship, due to differences, it has causes him much stress & i always knew he wasn't truely happy when we were together for the 2nd month but back then i didn't want to confront it as i didn't want to affect my upcoming exams and had thought we could settle it after my exams..

But after yesterday chat.. realised the Commitment factor and we both would be happier as friends.. as to where this will lead us into the future.. we are unsure.. we might fall for someone new or we might fall in love again..

Nonetheless, it's all back to friendship and we chatted happily as he accompanied me for supper..
somehow, we felt more free & happy...

I am complicated while his thoughts are encrypted...

That which not Break Us, Mould Us...

Thus, as for now, it's back to my life again, where for the next half of the year, this is what i want to achieve:

1. Concentrate on my Studies & change my study methods: To read notes b4 lecture, concentrate during lecture n not attending it expecting it end fast.. and to return home to write down notes.

2. Work wise.. Full time: will strive to excel excellence in it.

will take up a part-time job to have sufficient income to buy my stuffs.. depends on my lecture schedule & this time round, it will not take up my cg meeting day..

3. Ministry.. It's back to my sign language!! will use my part-time income to pay for my continual of sign language courses @ Singapore Association for the Deaf where i can blog out & post out higher level certs. Hope the courses doesn't conflict with my Church Service, Cg & Lecture though.. To Spend more time with my cg also..

4. Miscellaneous... with some free up time after the above.. will hope to log Straits Time Online to know what's going on in the world, at the same time to build up my further knowledge.. also to save up & buy my desired SONY VAIO laptop and PSP..

Yupz, these are the majors commitment that i hope to achieve by His Grace & Wisdom.. and hoping all of it will be a reality...

Thanks to: Sabrina, Louisa, Joyce, Christine, Sharon for the prayer and encouragement.. i will stand strong..

That's the Cyndiz that He have Created...

Simply Becoz each time i fall, i will stand up stronger..

Each tear i drop became a future strength..

Two thing to take note though:

For the next 3 months, i can't join any invitation to K Box cause i don't wish to put myself in fragility..unless u want to provide me a Tissue box & let me become an unnecessary attention..

and don't ever say: "i told you so.."