Blogging decreases sadness

Feeling kind of down today..no exact reason..

Life in office has been kinda routine..the workload fluctuates..one minute can be busy that needs days to clear the load..the next day, would be so free that i have to ask around for things to do.
Though can really learnt a lot at times but certain task are just photostepping and finding documents and doing filing..at such times..i feel kinda useless..but well what to do, accounting also involves admin stuff.

When a mistake is make, u get a scolding, a black face.. making one feel sad that one have disappointed the person.
But when u done a great job, no pat on the back, no compliment..they just feel that it's your job.

Humans tend to remember faults more then achievements. Self-encouragment is essential in working life.That's a fact of life.

Hating the fact that my personality is in such a way that i can't tolerate fake people..so my natural reaction is to say a hi & bye..only making less then a minute conversation.. so in such a way, sadly i just can't click with anyone at work.
Friends told me to make an effort..but it's just not me.. i just can't tolerate in being fake..

Not all the colleagues are fake, there are some nice people but apparently i just can't click.. i did try talking when i went with a different group of colleagues..the nicer ones.. i tried to talk naturally, tried to engage in conversations but nothing came out of my mouth and my mind was in a blank..thinking of what to say...

It's just not me..

Those who know me well should know that i am not someone who is very quiet..
Apparently, i could only behave normally and words come out of my mouth smoothly only when the other person makes me feel comfortable..

Words alone can't describe my feelings...

There was this time, a lady working in a tax company came to do the tax for my workplace.. she was using the photostepping machine and naturally i started talking to her and we just talked for minutes and we click but too bad..she's from a different company..

There's this major problem with me..

Can't change the way i am...

Thus.. life can be miserable..all work and no talk makes me bored and everything so routine..
i am alright in eating lunch alone but when my colleague knew i ate alone.. they would give me this pity look.. in their mind, they must be thinking: "so poor thing"

i kinda chose to outcast myself because of this personality of mine.. so i got no one to blame but myself..

thus during the weekdays:

Cindy = Anti-social

Guess my best friend know this for a very fact... cause i always tell her i don't feel like going out after work..suppose to call her as she give me a missed call but.. i am in no mood to talk.. i would only drag her mood down & make her feel sian instead..

To Jingyin:
Sorry gal.. i do hope u are reading this.. i can't explain why i seldom contact u... not that i don't want to meet u but i just know that my mood is out of my own control that i would naturally put on a sian look when going out on week days and when at home after work, i become even more worse..my activities become watching tv and facing my computer..talking on the phone would only bored u even further..

Maybe i am just Weird??

no idea.. haiz.. don know what i want..

Feeling confused and sad right now..

If only u are here...

till now i have yet to find a friend who can be a good listener as u..giving me all the attention that i need.. giving encouragement that is truly sincere & worth listening about it.

Meanwhile, Life still goes on.. and to those are who reading this, don't worry about me, i be okay.
Circumstances make me grow stronger and i been through bad times, so thus concluding i be alright on my own.. i have my own ways in encouraging myself and going through bad patches of life.. afterall i am used to roller coaster kind of life.

Receive a bad news from Lao san, Meiqi, i placed my schedule to work at grill this friday and saturday..but apparently he didn't put me and on Mei qi persuades, i decide to try and write one more time to place my schedule next weekend but not hoping for anything..

I miss serving the customers.. i miss making them enjoying dining in the restaurant..seeing them happy makes me smile from the inside.. Western customers are the nicest..esp those old couples..their loveliness, their smile, their "thank U" makes me really happy and waitressing is the job that i love.. just that due to practical reason, i can't work there full time.. If only sam would know i am serious in going back to work.. i would cut down on having fun...

Hopefully i could go back.. if not.. well.. i shall find some activities to occupy myself.

Life still Goes On..