Just came back from service and now waiting to start work at Grill.

Today's message was preached by Joyce Mayer, a great anointed woman of God.

"Receiving the Love of God & letting it flow into other people's life."

The next few phrases she mentioned struck me and got me reflecting..

" We need to have a good relationship with ourself, we got to have good value in ourself."
Many atimes, i have a tendency to get grumpy and upset about my own flaws, always feel that i am not good enough, always envy and wish i was someone else..hoping i could be as pretty, smart and rich like them.
I was never satisfied about myself and all these sums up to having a bad relationship with myself.

She went on to share about her past, how she wish she had a sweeter voice,a normal life like any married woman...but she since overcame it and became a preacher, having her own minstry and helping people all around the world.

Indeed everyone is created differently, if everyone on the street look like one another, how boring would this world would be.

Until i know i don't have to impress anybody only then i know i have total confident to say i have totally learn to love myself.

Going to make it a goal to love myself more each day..accepting the way i am created for i am unique in my own way!

Jia You Cindy!!

For the first time, i am at office so early in the morning.

Once again, i had Insomnia..

Thus no matter how long i lay down on my bed, i just can't fall asleep, therefore i don't want to waste any more time and decide to come to work insteadz.

Reason for Insomnia??

Well..i was sad, kinda emo-ing...

Recently was kinda on closer terms with this friend of mine, knew him years back but only manage to catch up and talk more this two months.

He's quite not bad looking and quite a gentleman..and plus on chatting with him, his personality does resembled the 'him'.

It's been almost a year plus since i have feelings for someone.. wanted to test myself wherether was i numb emotionally and thus somehow decide to try liking him.

oh well..this sounds rather lame... at times, i don't even understand myself..


Or rather i shall put it this way, i missed those times i had with 'him', those never ending conversations, those days of closeness as a friend.. those times we have at work.. somehow i am a one-to-one kind, i like to be close to guys, not close to one whole group but an individual.

So in a way,ever since 'he' and me drift apart in the friendship, i had missed totally such moments, thus upon knowing this guy, makes me want to rekindle those feelings againz.
I sounds rather silly...

But somehow history always repeat itself, i am confirmed too that this guy doesn't appreciate my feelings.

So once again, oh well..

*Silly Me*

No matter how i try to look my best, i am still this woman that is not liked by or chased by any guys...it kinda sucks, really..

Anway..once again, to those who are reading this post..pls don't worry..if u know me well, i be alright in a while time.


Every woman, from a teenager to an adult, good looking or average or below average, smart,not so smart, rich,poor..all these categories woman does want to be loved.

Afterall, it feels good to be loved, valued & of importance to someone.

But society has outcasted the average & below, to have no priveliage to have feelings for the opposite sex.

Not true? Ask guys who are being liked by girls who belong to such category..the childish guys would chose to avoid these womans, the much mature one would keep them as friends. But one common would be, they would be laughing on the inside of being liked by such.

Outsiders? They would be thinking: "Pls lar, you this kind of looks, u think he will like you meh, why on earth are u getting so upset by someone who doesn't even like you."

Conclusion: Only the pretty and outstanding get attached and loved or the average but well-liked personality are chosen.

The rest? Get a Life and move on...

However, i don believe in conforming to the thoughts of society..

I still believe and I am not going to dwell in low self-esteem, for i hold on to the hope of meeting a guy who doesn't go for looks, someone whom i love and loved me back and the guy fulfills the criteria of my ideal guy. To meet the someone who is meant to walk alongside with me for the rest of my life.

I do not want to be shortchanged of what life has for me..

This blog is like a sea in front of me, where i shout out all my troubles and sadness..



As for now, my bad habit is to meanwhile numb myself with work..to be busy and nothing but busy..but there' nothing for me to be busy with either..

Will only be studying next year, can't join the silent ministry yet and as for work, office work doesn't have much workload and in Grill, all i do is cashiering & riverbank..giving me more time to be alone and dwell more.

Emotions are like rollercoaster..

Nevertheless, as for this moment, i got to get back to work and keeping my brain to think properly despite not sleeping the whole of last night.

Sitcom have Jia You Jing Shun..my life story title should be changed likewise to Jia You Cindy!!

I trust in HIM. For it is where i have the Strength and JOY to carry on in life no matter how life goes..

Rejoice in the Lord always & again i say Rejoice.

I am bad at starting something... everytime i plan to blog,, i would be staring at the blank box in front of me for 5 minutes and more..simply becoz i would be thinking how shall i start in my post today..



Back in secondary school days, everytime my English Teacher ask us to write a composition, i would be fiddling the pen and stare for almost 10 minutes at the blank peice of paper and start to stone until there's ideas start to form in my mind, even then i would be continously using correction fluid..and by the time i wrote finish a paragraph, 30 minutes would have passed..i got to confess my written English basically sucks. I still remember in Sec 4,i was told to stop repeating the same verb for every paragraph..and thus resulting in my "O" level getting a D7.



Hmmm... i shall not bored myself with such an entry. I shall begin with something more interesting.



19th July, Vivien's Birthday..Both she and me were late in meeting Shirley at Buona Vista..the meeting time was suppose to be 6.45pm but we reach there almost an hour late.



we had XO Bee Hoon for Dinner, a recommendation by Sweetie. The last time i was there with my ex cg members was when i still had a digit 1 to my age..anyway after the dinner, we went to Eski Bar at holland Village to hang out and have a drink.



It was the Birthday girl treat, the choclate Martini that i had wasn't nice, yupz, choclate & Martini individually is nice, but a combination of both basically is well.. all i can say is i only drank 6 sip plus and i stopped drinking, Lao er had to finish it for me..



We went to the 0Degree room to drink after a while, the Pink sweater that the waitress gave was pretty looking and we took photos together.. i was basically freezing there at the same time and becoz of me, both of them accompanied back outside to the sitting area. After a while, Sweetie went back home, leaving both Lao er and me..and she treat me again to Singapore Sling..so Nice of her.. but she had to finish 1/2 of it again,hahaha..basically i cant' hold my drinking level well unlike last time, i was telling her, now u gave me a bottle of Hooch i would get drunk.. Wonder since when i became so lousy at drinking..does Age affects?? I wonder..



we went home at 1130pm..



I shall hold Sweetie's promise to hang out with us longer on my Birthday if we celebrate it on a weekend..



Last Sat,22nd, was my Cousin's Sabrina Wedding. I woke up as early as 5am and travel down to another of my cousin, Jasmine's house to travel down together.

On reaching the Bride's house(*my 1st paragraph came to pass, i had type Bride as Bribe), the rest of the Jie Meis haven't reach yet except for Joyce..



Yeahz, my cousin basically look stunning, no trace of tiredness(she slept at 1am the prev night) but every trace of happiness..so happy for her..really..grew up with her, and saw how she and her husband together & so onz..



The rest of the sisters cane after a while, Ling Siang(my leader) came with all the sabo ideas..there was basically 4 stages:



Firstly, The bridegroom had to write down the answers to questions about his wife.. every wrong answer amounts to a sum.

Secondly, he have to go down to the grasspatch at her house downstairs and to said out his promises to her after marriage, the first few was stated by my cousin, he had to come out with another 2..and oh my..these 2 were so sweet..on hearing it,though i wasn't watching her expression, i believe she was smiling from ears to ears..While saying all these out, the bridegroom entourage had to, at the background formed the word: "i Love You".. it was a funny sight.

Went to the art Museum where her Matrimony is held and went there to usher in the crowd and oh boy, it's been centuries since i last do ushering and i even stammer.. guess i became public shy..At Night was the wedding dinner where i helped to do reception. Initially, i was suppose to do ushering but as Louisa saw i saw was too comfortable in sitting at the reception counter that she asked me to do insteadz. It was quite an interesting experience, for the past ten years or so, i had been attending countless weddings and always feel that the ladies sitting in 1 straight row and collecting Ang Pow is basically is just sitting there and be Pretty.

In a Summary, had a fulfilling and attended one of the best wedding so far, the Bride,my cousin is stunning beautiful, groom is good-looking & great character, everything went on smoothly, food was delicious.the Montage to the MC at the wedding was done professionally by my cg member & church member.. and it was fun, where the Groom was being sabo at stage and our cg had a great time Yum-Senging.

Had a different overview of Weddings ever since Sat, a day of Marriage is make up of months to a year of Preparation..Neverthless, it's every Woman dream to have it come to pass.

When would my turn come....

Haven been blogging for almost a month.The frequent desire to log into blogger have wear off after 1 year plus of weekly updates..and plus no one read it either, it's more of a place for me to type out my frustration and thoughts..

Right now in office..not a working day in office but as i am suppose to go Grill work later, i decide to come straight t0 office and slack after church service.

On the way here, pass by a old man leaning on the corner near the bus-stop and his hand was grabbing his chest and an middle age woman was holding him and a young boy was beside. Initially i had thought they were a family but i overheard the boy saying he Need Help on his phone & was looking at me while saying that. As i walk pass by them, it was then i realised that the man probably had a heart attack and the boy was calling for an ambulance.

As i cross the road, i can't help but feeling guilty of not turning back to help when i walk pass the boy on his phone, he sounds rather helpless.. I wanted so much to turn back but thinking that he already have the yonug boy& woman to take care of him, i will only be of no help but yet, is such a thought a selfish one?

Sighz..i could hope for the best for the man and may he recover soonz..

Went Central to shop for dress for my cousin wedding this coming Sat..there lots of varities to chose from and found a dress that i like and wanted to look for more choices before buying it and alas such a decision can be rather costly. As i went up another level, saw a dress that caught my sight and i got persuaded by the salesgirl that the dress is on last day of sales and the only piece left amd thus i bought it. But as the first dress that i treis was too tepmting not to own it, i went back and bought it.
Such situations are the reason why i haven't been shopping for a while..at one side, i am taking up two jobs to save up for my studies but at the other side, the sight of clothes make me spend them away.

These past few weeks have been constant working at Office & Grill..Busy & tiring, have been getting a hold of the duties at office though still have lots to catch up.

It won't be long that i would blog less & less as i am limited to what i can express in my blog, i can't freely express myself without having the risk of another reading it & expose it.

Have been working in Lotus for two days...

Learning all that i need to know from Maggie right now as i would taking over all her current duties..still in the beginning of stage ,of it right now.

Maggie indeed is someone Zai, should see the way she communicate with people and the way she does her stuff...she's someone with high EQ & IQ.

Was telling Mei Qi that it making me kinda stress in that i might not be able to handle the things that Maggie does.

I really got lots to catch from now till end of this month,shall give in my best shot..

Went to request to Sam to work part-time in Grill, he agreed.. finally, i get to do what i love doing again.. gonna start work at Grill from next week onwards. I'm glad, there's still Mei Qi & Xiu Qi at Grill, if not, it does get quite bored facing all the Fake colleagues.


Afterall Grill is never ever the same family ever again......


Going to achieve the best results i can give at work,not going to give up so easily! Gambatte!!!!

Introducing my new found love:

This drink was introduced by my colleague in NHG.. once i skipped lunch to rush my work & she bought this for me to drink.

It was Love at first Sip..

Firstly, it's a milk tea, smells yummy and it's something that i Must have at least once every week..

For some, they might have drank it long ago..

To me, it's new....

I'm not Interested in Anything or Whatever just give me the above drink & i will break into happiness..

Went to dentist today to tighten my braces.. overall, it's no longder that painful but whenever the dentist pushes my teeth while tighting..it pains till i almost cry..

Neverthless, after i take out my braces,it's definently worth the pain.....

Tomorrow is first day of work at Lotus..... shall blog more about it soonz......

Phew.. finally i can take a break from my exams...finished my last paper today, as i walk out the examination hall, inside i was screaming Freedom!!

The feeling of studying till late night for 2 weeks plus & 2 days of 3 hours sleep and finally finishing your papers -> it just feels goodz...a sense of happiness & freedom.

Though it was really really tiring & can be a total stress out thing during studying period as i complained in

my last entry..but at the end of the day, it's worth the process when i walk out the hall..telling myself that i

have done my best, only the results shall tell wherether such tough process is worthy.

Guess this type of first bitter later sweet feeling is better then slacking during study period and walking out of

the examination feeling terrible in regretting in not studying much.seriously, won't that be a self- afflicted

problem?!

I believe in the principle of Trying: U never try, u never know & to try it with one very best effort.

Even if my results comes out badly, i can tell myself i have put in my best effort, the papers were just too


difficult. I wouldn't want to put myself in a situation whereby i constantly regret not working harder

whenever results are out.

Gonna take a break of one month before enrolling for my next module.. this time round, i am just going to take

one module instead of two, as i plan to save up the exam fees.. and also i can focus my attention on other

matters instead...i can't let my life revolve 24 hrs around myself, it would be good if time can be allocated to

help out people instead...gonna plan this out.


Had been really caught up with adapting to work & studying part time ACCA from Jan till now..it was really literally busyness after busyness.

This year have been a new phrase of life together, beginning by firstly experiencing working full time taking

on the necessary responsibilites and studying for what i always wanted in poly days, my ACCA. and coping

well with these combinations.

Had mentioned my feelings in my previous post therefore i shall not repeat it againz.. this coming thurs will

be a slight adjustment to this phrase,being going back to the place where i had worked for years,difference

being this time round will be in finance side... enjoy being able to learn new stuff & a rather different

experience & if possible, hoping that i work part-time in Lotus Grill.. i kinda miss those waitressing days, and

i really luv being a waitress, being able to meet all sorts of people instead of computer all day and the sense of

achivement & happiness obtained when customers are satisfied by our services. However, due to practical

prospect i have to do what can gives me a better future & career path. Guess.. not everyone in life gets to work

what they love, i just got to love my work in order to make life better for myself.

Shall give & put in my best effort in working in lotus & not to get complacement by the fact that it's Lotus. But

to work with an attitude as if it was a total new company..

After a year plus of struggle & letting go..i finally found back my old self..the me which i have lost last year after a certain person left.

Subconsciouly, when the incident happen unexpectedly, i had numb myself by working & getting myself busy

& guess no one notice.. these one year plus, the Cindy that they saw wasn't the really Happy Cindy that she's

suppose to be. I became to kept to myself & i couldn't trust & allow anyone new to enter into my life be it a guy

or gal..and it wasn't done on purpose, just that subconsciously, i was so afraid to get hurt..

A very good friend of mine had indirectly help me get out of it, that friend probably have no idea of it too.

This friend have always constantly been by my side, never failing to encourage whenever i was at my lowest, never fail to lend a listening ear whenever i was sad..and giving advice when i was lost..

This Friend to me is a God Given friendship.......

So to my Newly promoted best friend :















Specially Dedicated to u... :







Compliment of the day: Was told by the beautician at the facial shop that i look 18.. muahahahahaha..

So gonna take this time to catch up with all my friends.. K BOX anyone???

Can someone stop the time from tickling away?!!!!

It's 12.59am, i have stop studying for the past 1 hour..

No more then that, before that i was tidying up my notes..

And when i finally sorted it out, i stared at my exam kit book, flip through it.. took another notes and did the

same.. this was done for the few times.. cause i didn't know where to start, i had just finished 2 years of past

exams papers..

Told myself to start with the very chapter first, but when i couldn't find the questions i wanted..

i stared at my notes once more.. wanted to recalled whatever i had practiced so far.. but mind was BLANK!

DARNZ..

SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how? how? how?

Called Royston to chat, he manange to cool me down for a while & asked me to go sleeep..since my brain needs a break..

I can't afford it...

Time is running out... it's running out..

sighz..

what am i suppose to do..

i can't fail.....

this is triple of my poly stress..

ITE suddenly when recalled seems like chicken feet..

Arghz.. i want my ACCA Cert!!!

but this is so tough..

took some pictures to de-stress...

not picture of myself as i look damn damn damn(x10000) ugly with my messy messy hair, with deep dark eyes rings tt screams for sleep..

this whole week i sleep at 4am plus, and wake up ard 10 plus..

wanted to wake up earlier but to no avail......

This is the amount of informations that i have to MEMORISE and tt's not my nightmare, i not only have to memorise it,i basically have to understand what i MEMORISE!!!!!!! it's doing two job at one go..

so thick so much of notees to store latest by the 3rd..............................

The 2 papers that i have 2 take..why muz the both of them being theory have the exam dates being 1 day difference.

my messy table.......... tt's those notes i stared & nothing went in........................

I MUST OBTAIN THAT CERT!!!!!!!!!!!!

It better be so...

Was then thinking, it was never stated the number of times. Get you passed can means, passed the first time round or after ten attempts?

It should be : "We get you passed on 1st attempt."

Darnz.. it's 1.45.. gonna make myself a coffee and attempt to store in some information..