There's something very wrong with my blog music..it plays, stop and play..makes me so irritated.





Almost fainted at work today.. due to skipping my lunch. On weekdays, i don't go out for lunch at all.




Would be buying breads as my breakfast & lunch together.. well.. one reason is to save money, 2nd reason is to finish my work on time as i have to go on off on the dot every tuesday and thursday. As for today, though i wasn't particularly very busy, i just don't have the mood to put food into my mouth,yesh, despite my stomach was on a strike by making noises.






Late in the noon, while standing my boss table, i felt a sudden giddy spell, and lean on the cupboard behind to prevent myself from falling, on seeing this, i was chase back to my table to finish eating my bread before she continue what she have to say.







Basically, today i have totally no mood to work either, and was constantly nag by my boss for making mistakes...went to 'complain' to one of my colleague that my physical body is at work but mind is basically in holiday land...and i wasn't the only one guilty of it.. as we receive an e-mail from HR dept about subsidy of $75 of any chalet, all of us were basically chatting & getting excited to submit the application to get the subsidy.






I am still pondering should i apply.. i never plan to open chalet before and don't think i will ever do one...unless my friends plan to have one, then i shall apply and they can pay $75 lesser.






Can't wait for this sun to arrive, meeting up the sotong family members to celebrate sweetie's 18th birthday.


(hope i didn't get it wrong?)





Sighz.. i miss the digit 1 in my age..












Last friday supposedly to be a day of studying but due to can't-get-myself-in-study-mood, and decide to whip out my hp, for photo taking sessions

Though i am not a gorgeous beauty.. but i still enjoy taking pictures, confidence grows with age.

Take 2:

Editing the pictures really does help and i am one zhi nian kuang.. feel that i have this 'shock' look on my face.

Braces does help too.. have been wearing my braces for a year plus... look at the difference:

Yeshz.. that's the old me.. have been struggling with insults of my rabbit teeth during my secondary school years.. back then, with classmates poking fun of me & laughing at my face, telling how ugly i am.. my self esteem was basically drop to minus 100%. .lower then the depth of the pacific ocean..

Thinking back, i once mention in my blog of my sad past.. i shall blog about my secondary school days..

When i entered sec 1, i was damn shy and damn quiet mostly due to the fact i feel i look ugly. i always wear a watch to school, not because of the time but becoz whenever i walk from one class to another, my face would be looking down and when the classmates bully & teases me, i would stretch out my wrist & look at my watch and walk shyly away.

The malay guys enjoy bullying me..other then pulling my hair, stopping my path, shouting my name, and scaring me.. 1 of which i remember the most clearly was taking a plastic bag and cover my face.

Can't believe why i could took such bullying..being the me right now, i would have put the plastic bag into their head and tie a dead knot to it.

Back then, i hated dental visit, coz basically i gave them more reason to poke fun of me.. they always say i should ask the dentist to pluck out both of my rabbit teeth.. ''-_-

Despite all these, i became much of a rebel in sec 2 with a indian fren, the one who also luv bullying me..sighz..anyway, i became quite of a ah lian kind, i went to tailor my uniform to become very short, tighten my belt and folded my sleeves..on the surface, look different but i wasn't the kind who would shout and scream or whack pple's face.

Back then, i just wanted recognisation, i feel i felt good that the disclipline master knows me and that i am constantly inside the principal's room...even though it was in a bad way.

The worse stuff that i did during those period was fight, i remember pulling the gal's hair and wanted to whack her but got whacked instead due to my small size. I ran away from home..my poor mum was so worried, thinking back i felt real guilty.. it was that period i had my 1st try of smoking.. on 1st attempt, i didn't know how to inhale, i blew the smoke out only, only on 2nd attempt, i succeeded but the taste sucks and i cough like crazy- that was the 1st and last time i touched a cigratte.

I remember stealing food as we have no money to survive during no days..there was this time, both of us went to NTUC, i stepped out w/o getting caught, but as my fren didn't come out after a while, the dumb me actually stood outside the entrance to wait for her. The security guard then went over and told me to go to the office, my fren was caught & she betrayed me by telling the guard she wasn't alone and i cld have waited for her.

She almost got me to have a police record.. but phew, as we were young and 1st time offenders, the managers & security guard decide to let us off.

Thank God, if not my future could have been destroyed...being tainted with a record just doesn't look good.

The run away session came to a hault when we were caught by police on sleeping under a void deck in the middle of the night..that was the 1st time, i sat in a police car.. and (*prays*) it will definently be the very very last.

The gal was later transferred to another school, though i was free. i suffered worse consequences alone, the classmates seeing i was a loner again, bullied me twice more harsh then i was in sec 1.

Those days were terrible, i remember constantly crying in a corner and crying while walking, life was terrible..felt no meaning to life..

I am glad i became a christian in sec 3-(retained in sec 3), though situations did not change in a day, but i felt better in finding a purpose in life.

Thank God, things change for the better and a glimpse of light appear in sec 5, my classmates begin to accept me and i manange to make fren with one of them.. so yup, it was much better.. much happier, for that 1 year, did i truly enjoyed secondary school life.

but i was still suffering from low self-esteem & shy..sighz.. if only i didn't, i would have maintained my friendship with my secondary school mates.

Life is a long time learning process, i learnt that each time i fall, i stood up stronger. There's no dead end in life, it's in the mind. It's only at adversaries times that a person character gets defined and moulded.

Looking back, i am glad that life lessons has teach me to be stronger and understanding. Yesh, understanding, i could relate when people tell me that their life is tough and feels down. I would give them a pat on their back, not literally, to let them know they are not alone.

I been there, done that.. took the photo, wore the t-shirt. <= That's the phrase i learnt to describe that everyone has their bad moments in life.

I feel comfortable in saying all these out cause i am not shameful of my pasts.. may there be a day where someone would feel encouraged after reading this entry.

There's much more i went through after secondary life.. as i grow older..i will reveal it bits by bits of my life story.

It's definenlty not a boring one.. explaining why my blog title states : "An independent gal with a complicated life"

Smile even when everything around you seems grey.

Don't look down & count your problems, look up & remind yourself, u are not the only one in the universe,

someone out there in another part of your country is facing a worse deal.

Life is never harsh to you, don't stay put and dwell into sadness, instead move your fingers & count your

blessings.

People tend to neglect that the best things in life has always been by their side, yet searches for things they

could never have and blames life for it.