How many Coincidences can there be in life?

Coincidential that we are in the same church, same service.. and only to end up seeing this friend of mine in Chc Sign Lang. Basic class..

Of all ministries?? Of all various recruitments throughout the year??

i almost fainted seeing his name on the class list on the first lesson..

Any thoughts of withdrawing?? As much as it would be a struggle, Sign Lang in Chc after waiting for more than a year.. all those attempts to join this ministry.. is simply too important for me to give this Passion up.

So imagine my attempt to treat him as a normal classmate apparently didn't worked out... my words were sarcastic.. hints of hurts i guess..

Just last week, 1/2 of me looked forward to lesson.. the other 1/2 seriously didn't want to go..

Thought it was the past that we were friends... isn't everything Past??

i was glad that i finally bump into you after 3 yrs & that the coincidencial met-up was sufficient to summariase this friendship up?

So y do we have to bump into each other again??

Puzzled was all that in my mind...

i really want a simple life.. sick of a dramatic life-style..

Just today, our class had arranged to meet up &sit together in the Hearing Imparied area for service.. and coincidentally he had to sit beside me.. i give him a reluctant "hi" and when we're given 2 minutes to interact with our neighbours..  i was like ... " - _ -

And guess what.. i did the meanest of all things.. and simply chat with the classmate sitting beside him.. treating him transparent for the moment.. only to include him in the follwing conversations..

I guess it was all obvious to him..

We both knew there were some conflicts we need to settle...

and off we went to Changi Airport as a class to had our lunch and practice for our up-coming test this Tues.

One of them offered to drive us to the nearest mrt station.. as we sat together...

he randomly ask about my well-being... only to get back my retort once again..and on & on we then begin to talk about those common friends we once had.. often letting out.. "That's so long ago"

As we travelled in the same train.. he finally said: "Why don't we just talk about the issues that arose years ago?"

Stunned i was...

But guess it really was about time.. cause we both can't believe how coincidentally things had really turn out to be..

we both wanted our past to be erased and move on with our life.. never mentioning what exactly happened... but One that is Greater.. guess wanted the both of us to stop running away..

I finally got the answer i wanted.. it was true.. i was correct.. he had decided to back out from this close friendship we had, when he suspected i liked him back then..

As every details was mentioned out.. i can't help but to feel it all seems like a dream..

This blog was started out becoz of a Friendship i once held so tight

a Friend who i hold close to my heart

a Friend who i could really relate..

a Friend-ship that caused me to fall badly when i lost it.. losing control of my emotions..

No one around me knew what's wrong with me..

How can a gal possibly get more upset over a lost friendship compared to a lost relationship??

Did she really liked him that much??

Noo.. it wasn't..

No one back then could comprehend for the reactions i had..

"it's only a Friendship"


But they fail to recognise that i am not in the face in the crowd.. i tend to Think Differently..

If i had a gal-fren who understand me so well & click with me like nobody business.. take away that friendship in a sudden & u will see me collaspe in the same manner..

As we went to mention about the past.. i had to emphasis that all my reactions.. how this loss hurt me was all because i treasure him as my closest fren..

Yepz, i went on to confess, i did had liking for him back then.. a slight one.. but those attempts to contact him was not for a reciprocal of feelings but i just wanted this frenship so badly to be back..

In conclusion: the answers that i searched frantically with tears, i finally found it at a time when i had forsaken that idea had all been resolved..

So aren't i suppose to be happy??

Apparently not..

no explanation for this..

all i know is that.. what past is past.. we can never be as close as before..

maybe this Buddy that u acknowledge is simply void of emotions.. she's just too hurt on the inside.. countless one sided-feelings before this incident.. after it, i lost another friendship with my best friend.. followed by a broken heart in a too-hurt-to mention failed relationship..

she's really  extremely tired emotionally.. she's just want to do well in her job & studies..achieve her goals & simply being a friend to those she meet.. to make a difference in the life of others.. to help those around.. to use her passion to serve others..

she's just want to give.. she no longer can accept any receiving..

or maybe she's just too afraid of any possible broken trust again..