HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FRIENDS!
Another Year has passed, looking back, 2006 was a tough year. Went through heartaches, losing a close friendship, going through tough times during attachment & stuggles & decision to go back church.
In Jan, the voice of death was so visual on that certain day while i was revising for my exams, back then not only was i stress by my studies but family problems & not having anything suceessful in my life. I seems to be a failure in life, everything seems to be working wrong, i still remember i sat there feeling very lost, what ran through my mind was ways to end my life.
I just had to do something and thus i contacted my close friends and out of them all, my good friend aka my bro Royston was there..he listened patiently on the phone and we met up.. at the end of the day, i sorted out my thoughts and i was back to myself.
It was scary..i would not be here typing if i had heeded the voice of death back then.
In Feb, after my exams..i went back to Grill to work, and only then have i managed to finally let go of my feelings for a colleague at there,J. On that very night, did i learnt that he's attached but i wasn't upset at all, this convinced me totally that i am back to my feet. Had been like a fool for the past 6 mths secrectly having deep feelings for him & cried & stuggled to forget him many a times within that 6 months. I'm glad, though it was tough, i had become wiser in terms of relationships.. i would not act like a fool having a one sided love for anyone ever again. I begin to love myself even more.
In March, my friendship with the buddy i know at work since last Oct grew closer..though i had decided to shut down myself from emotional wounds temporary...but as humans are born with emotions.. before i could stop myself, i had developed feelings for him..he's just too nice.
Bad Mistake.. till now, i still regret liking him..if i didn't..would i have lost the friendship still?
In April, buddy went to army..didn't manage to send him off & missed his first day book in call.
In Mid April, i realised our friendship had changed drastically..he seems to change 180 degree over night. I couldn't accept the truth, i couldn't exchange the change....
During that first 2 weeks..i was very very sad...cried & sob non-stop.. never in mind i have ever thought i would lose this buddyship-someone i trusted & care, a person who shared similar ideas..
Up till now, i rather chose to deceive myself that one day we can go back to the past, as close as we were..just good friends, just good buddy is all that i ask for.
From April till Sep, i didn't have a good time in attachment in the audit Company.
Not only was in super bad luck, no matter how much effort i put in, my other attachment friends were much luckier..they often went to client place..not having favour of men, was often make to stay in office, doing admin stuff. Having to constanly ask around each person for tasks to do..even it means throwing rubbish & shredding paper.
Was under a mean senior auditor for a whole month,she make me work till 9pm without being able to claim OT,nothing that i do is correct,she fusses over a little mistake i make and would make me stayed till 8 plus.. till i clear it up...it was obvious to her that i simply detest the sight of her. Apparently, in attachment, my social skills, EQ dropped to a percentage of 10% and below.
Would often luch with auditors having no conversation exchanged. I will always remember the day, during the 2nd last wk of attachment, i wanted so much to go to client place and when i learnt that i wld be going to one the following week with another of the attachment friend,i was looking so forward to it, i wanted to learn as much before attachment ends but on the morning of the actual which i was anticipating, i was told only one of us could go,and it was my friend. I being the one who had stayed in office for 2 weeks & she having out in client place for the prev 2 weeks could go. I could have accepted it calmly if i was much less cleverer then my friend and if i had learnt lesser stuff then her..but it wasn't. I just didn't have the favour of men..it wasn't in my luck. I applied to have half day off on that day..cried badly on the way out, feeling dejected..i sorted out my thoughts while standing alone in front of Esplanade..i can't be defeated so easily.. i can't!
Even at the end of attachment, i wanted to so much stayed in the company despite what i went through, as i told myself i can learn a lot in audit line but there was simply no vancancy.
That period really mould me up..i had been through the so called worst moment, if i can go through it without quitting..so no matter how bad things can turn out in the near future, i can over come it.
In Sep, faces another defeat. I was told that i would end my waitress job a day earlier.. my last day was supposedly to be on a sun but on the friday night due to being too chatty & kinda having fun instead of working..it was no fatal mistakes but as due to certain reasons i was told to go..though it seems it was just ending my work two days before but to me, it was equivalent to being sacked. The place i love working the most had to turn out in such a way..
Got an account assistant job in End of Sep, though it was just a temporary job.. but it's a new learning experience..and i went back to church.. Towards the end of the year, things begin to change for the better..
Thank God for that.
After watching the firework last night, i stood near the window, facing the the road..i wished and hope that 2007 would be a much better year.
My Resolutions for this Year:
a) To secure a full time job in my current Company.
b) Alternatively, find a full time account assistant line in a known Company.
c) Pass with good grades for my level 2.1 and 2.2 June ACCA papers.
d)Pass with good grades for my level 2.3 & 2.4 Dec ACCA papers.
e)Go on a holiday with my friends this Coming Dec and to spend Christmas there.
f)To enroll into CC into Aerobics & having 1 lesson per week.
g) To do able to do volunteer work twice a month.
h) Be less Slack & more Discliplined.
i)Not To constanlty proscartinate.
j)to spend time with friends.
k)to let go of my feelings.
May 2007 turn for the Better and i Thank God for the greater days aheadz..
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