Time-out

Thinking...

Even in the midst of watching Hana kimi, i believe every show, be it comedy or anime, has a hidden msg behind and it's interpretated by differently by every individual.

Unless it's watch by those who has their brain in sleeping mode.

This show doesn't have the typical guy love girl and they enter into a relationship, and somehow after a few epsiodes, they argue or a third part get involved and the gal gets all sobby..

Seeing two individuals secretly in love with each other can be a much sweeter thing then entering into a real relationship at times..such times love seems to be a simple affair, jian dan ai..

Even though such things rarely happen in real life, especially when humans are unsatisfied being, they wld would'nt want the feelings alone, they want something more physical, to kiss and sex.

Simplicity can be the best...

Thinking back, back then when i realised i have develop feelings for him, i have no plans of letting him know or to think about entering into a relationship...

I just wanted to be by his side, be there as a friend, listening to him just being there and believing in him and go through life struggles as a friend.. occasionally, meeting up chatting endlessly would be such a sweet thing.

That was what i had in mind.. being by the person and secrectly in love, just seeing him would be just enough.
When it comes to my own life, i would strive for the best, want to study the best and to earn high income and crave my own career..simply unsatisifed being a assistant forever..

But when it comes to relationship, i prefer simplicity.. partly because i don believe in marriage and don't wish to have kids mentality.

My perfect life would be, working hard at work score well for exams and having a truely important friend by my side..-which wld be him.

The screen character constanlty mention, how he wish she's always by his side would be enough. Though he like her & the feeling is not 1 sided, being Ai Mei can be sweet.

How I agree.

It has been almost a year, i can say i have move on since...

Neverthless, i knew deep within i can't have such an experience a 2nd time, no other guys can make me just secretly in love & being satisfied as a friend.

It's either i like them, they don't like me.. i will move on, then the guy is just an acquanitance.

or

I like them feelings are appreciated and i am attached! And the other guy can change my perspective of marriage.

As for right now.. things will continue the way it is....



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Have a sucky weekdays.. was basically busy preparing the hospital claims, going down to NUH to get the signature, get the director signature and submit to MOH. Everyday seems to be a race against time and being stressed up, i make a quite a major mistake.

Being all blur, i mistakely assumed 5 projects were last minute claims and complained to my accountant, that the people are adding on to my burden and they are not taking the deadline into consideration and simply rushing me to get their claims done.

My accountant feedback to the manager after which it ultimately ended up telling the COO.

And apparently, last minute, out of the 5, 2 was not suppose to handled by me.

I apologise and was chided... at that moment, i felt terrible..wanted to slap myself and as i was looking into my manager eyes all the way.. tears almost whelm up..but i held it back..

Thoughts ran through my mind: "i can't cry, i can't cry, i am no longer a kid, crying doesn't get me out of this whole situation, it would only reflect my incompetence and weakness"

I am glad i held back.. cause in the end, the manager understood the situation i was in and asked me wherether do i wish to have lesser workload..

I didn't want lesser workload.. this would only give me reason to slack..

Being all stressed up, msged Vivien and asked her out for a cup of coffee..i just needed a time-out.. and she was really sweet, her stomach wasn't feeling well yet she went out to meet me and we settled down in boat quay coffee bean till 2am.

Right now, i am still in the midst of: i-am-still stress-coming-mon-still-wld be-more-stressed-out mode.

Suppose to study..but refuses to.

Scenario:

Angel: Study!! U have rest enough, up coming monday stress is only an excuse.

Devil: (whisper into my ear) No, it's not..don need to study la.. u need rest, plently of rest, slacking is good..

Angel: If you don't study, weekdays u won't have no time to study..u pay so much for yr this course.

Devil: You still have tomorrow..no worries.

Angel: Do you really think you would study tommorrow?

Devil: It's still early from now till her exams.

Angel: U need to revised early to score good grades.

Me: *Confused*

Me: Updates Blog, and continue to watch her Hana Kimi..


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Lethargic..

Just came back home after watching the Just follow law directed by Jack Neo, it was a company event..my workplace movie night for all the colleagues at NHG. For the first time, i see so many others from different departments...the food wasn't as good as expected and few of my colleagues won the lucky draw and they were over the moon.

Come to think of it, for the past 24 plus years, i have only won one time in a lucky draw and it was way back in my Primary school days..and my present was this note pad which i kept till now.

Hope to win a digital camera in a lucky draw in the future..thus save to cost to buy one.

This whole week was really Phyiscally & mentally tired.. really hate deadlines have to rush work to get things done..it's just so tiring and it's a struggle to understand my duties at the same time rushing it. I prefer to work on my own pace..bet things will work out better for me this way.. if not my boss just gonna continue to nag & shake at her head everytime i pass her my work.

At such situation i wld feel i am so dumb but manage to shake it off by encouraging myself that this is my first job..after a while, after i get used to things, i will be able to grasp things well..throughout the years, i have learnt to accept my short-comings..no one's perfect.

Meanwhile, after slacking a bit tonight, much as i am so yearning for sleep i rather spend this time to relax..tomorrow is back to my books once againz..for the sake of the future that i aim to achieve! Gambatte Cindy!!! You Can Do It!!

Even if no one gonna give me a pat on the back, self-encouragement is sufficient..

Reason to Smilez..

Just came back home after service, Liu Geng Hong and his girlfriend who was a Taiwan pagent winner came for service. Liu Geng Hong & his band which consit of 2 other members, both of which are composers, one of which name is Wind(if i didn't remember wrongly) who released before 2 albums(not that i know of), his voice was really good, his voice is similar to Tao Zhe.

Liu Geng Hong sang a christian song which he compose, for your information, he's a member in a Taipei church and is serving actively there.

Afterwhich, he sang Chai Hong Tian Tan (Rainbow Heaven).. it does feel good to hear a singer perform live. i almost wanted to lift my hand to move with the rhythm(like how fans do in concert) but i knew i couldn't..but spotted 2 gals sitting at the far end of the hall doing it..

His gf, came onto the stage and introduce herself(can't remember her name though), she's beautiful and she's really a capable woman. Not only is she a model, she also co-ordinates the event for pagents teaching the contestants for the pagent. She's also is a fashion designer having her own boutique in Taiwan and plus she is serving actively in church, being a cell group leader.. i really admire her..she's one who can really multi-task.
If only i can have her capacity.. Working & studying is tiring me out & i am starting to complain..


Liu Geng Hong is also the best friend of Jay Chou! and when i heard that he brought Jay Chou to the Taiwan church and became a christian. I was screaming with Joy!!

And plus 2 weeks ago, he brought Zhang Hui Mei to church too!

To those who critise to me about christians & church, they shld be speechless, who ever say church are for boring, weird & outcast people of society, right now even the entertainment actor/actress are christians & if that's not enough to shut critics up.. Director Liang Zhi Qiang is also a member of our church.

This only prove God is Real.


Took a photo with the both of them together with my cousin at the end of service...








God is indeed great...

I'm so gonna go back to my books soon after ripping songs from the Cds that my Cousin's husband-to-be lended, it's simply time for me to change my MP3 songs, i have been tolerating with listening to the same songs since Last Sep.

This month onwards till June, my free time would be turn into study time. I'm just gonna do & score well for my exams.. got motivated as my colleagues who took the same papers as me for their last semester said that quite a few failed and most of the pple got a just pass.

I am not satisfied with a just pass.. i Aim to score better.. I just got to score 65 -85 marks for both papers..that's my goal!

So if one want a study companion, do jio me along k? cause i be very gladly to agree.

CNY

Decide to summarise my last week event in an entry..

Last Sat, met up with Amanda to go to the airport to study, it was funny as we really lost our way a few times..and we took one hour just to find a place to settle down and started studying.

As my hobby is to bio people.. so i was hua-chi-ing over the shuai guys that i saw..

And i was about to leave the place, me being the sotong.. wanted to take the train at T2, we were at T2... but we end up taking the sky train to T1, only to realise that i'm suppose to be at T2.. so have to travel back again..basically, i feel so dumb..

Spotted someone familiar while travelling again back to T2, someone whom i knew when i was 19, someone i kept bumping into recently.. it was just a so weird feeling.

On sun, met up with Amanda to go for facial after service, the feeling of facial felt so de-stressing and relaxed..it was just worth the money.. afterwhich we went to Tampines Mac to study for a fruitful hour.


Met up with Sweetie on Valentine Day, as the week was the first week of her attachment at Sim Lim Square, so told her i will be meeting her up, as it has been quite a long since we last caught up with one another.

We wanted to eat at Pasta Mania but it was super full.. so we have in the same mind we wanted to eat at Billy Bombers..but they only sell 2 main course.

Feeling sian & hungry, i then suggested to go to TCC at city hall.. but being fickle minded->as quoted in sweetie's blog. i decide to switch to New York New York.

As her mum was worried for sweetie and wanted her home early, so she really have to eat in a rush.. we were damn full and i have to take away my calamari.


Sweetie was sweet, she gave me a box of choclates.. but i didn't give her anything..sighz..

Valentine Day does make one feel like falling in love.. this year esp, i kinda hope to get attached.. Praying for the right guy in my life to appear soonz.

Met up with Felicia, someone i haven met up for a year, we went to bugis village to shop for clothes, but in the end, i didn't bought anything...as i couldn't afford to spend anymore but spotted lots of clothes that i wanted to get after getting my salary.

Went to my relative house with my family for reunion dinner..the food was great, CNY is a really time of feasting... one of the uncle then show us which my cousin & i Classify as a "Classic" Picture of all times. It was a picture of the whole Cheong family with our Grandmum..all of us were so young, and we took in front of our old Geylang house-a place where all my dad's side bro & sis and my cousins live together.. we grew up together at there.. it was such a fond memory.

Gonna be meeting them up tomorrow evening & have another great time of feasting.

I am so gonna enjoy my CNY break till tues.. meanwhile..it's sleeping late, waking up late and enjoy life till tues.

That's all Folks..

May this CNY be a prosperous Year for all my friends..to collect as much Ang Po as possible.

Cherish the important people in your life..

Realised life is so fragile, recently learnt of news of death juz by reading Norin & sweetie's blog and plus i'm working in healthcare company..

No one can predict when & how one would leave this earth..one moment the person can be beside u, the next day or hour, the person is gone.. a very fact that you can never ever see the person ever again.

It's just so scary, just by the thought of it. If someone very close to me were to leave this earth, i wonder would i have a mental breakdown or will i cry until my eyes so sore that it just hurts.. it's a fear within me, all i can do is Pray that God will bless and protect those who are important to me.

One moment i can still be typing here, but who knows there might be a day where my blog will never ever get updated again.

So i believe in living life to the fullest.. do what one can to achieve what we want in life..



Found my IC in my jacket on Wed while preparing to go to work.. when i saw it, i feel like slapping myself..damn, i am so damn blur..

I mean it's like i spend $100 for a new IC and two days later it was found in the most ridiculours way..

Sighz.. this whole week was really really very very blur...

another incident was that my office telephone never rang for 2 days which was very unusual and i didn't know until someone look for me thru my colleague. Thinking that there is something wrong with my line, i request for assistance by calling the related personnel by coming down to check and guess what..the person make a futile trip, i had turn the phone to mute mode by ACCIDENT.

The person muz have wanted to slap me..what a wasted trip he had make.. my accountant even laugh at my blurness..sighz..

Is there a medicine in the market that makes one less blur..


I shall end here..gonna sleep soon.. gonna catch up my lost sleep.. during weekdays, every day i would only manage to sleep 5 hours and less.

K box sessions

Went K box with lao san,norin,amanda & li hao yesterday...sang from 11 plus till 3pm..suppose to end at 2.30 but we always like to be thick skin and not willing to leave the place until the k box person has to remind us more then twice then the session has ended.

All the gals singing are great, mei qi can sing FIR the lead singer songs very well and just listening to her singing alone makes u wow.

Amanda can really imitate well a guy's voice, when she & norin sang the "liang shan bo & zhu ying tai"..really very nice.
Both Norin & li hao have sweet voices.

Only me..i still feel i sounds like a guy, cannot sing high notes. but glad that i don't croak if not it would be a nightmare for them whenever i jio them to K box.

After which, we went to Yoshinoya to have our dinner and both Amanda & me wanted to study but in the end, we didn't achieve any studying at all. It was around 8 then we shift location to Esplanade library to study.. and then later to Pacific cafe..but at there we ended up chatting instead..

Really have a fun time together with them. Hanging out with them simply makes me happy & simply so relax.

Had a bad day this morning, left my house in a haste wanted to take my cardigan along but end up taking a shirt with me instead.

Wanted to pay tithe, only to realise that my IC was not in my wallet! i was super panic, called my mum to help me check my old wallet.. but it was no where to be seen.

Wanted to leave service during the praise session and go home and find but in the end i decide to stay.
Reached home and searched through every possible places but could only conclude i have really lost it.
Was really very very sianz.. suppose to meet Amanda at 3 at lavender but i have to cancel with her at the very last minute to make a police report. Though she assure me she's alright with the cancellation, i really felt super bad on the inside, she cancelled her facial appointment because of me and she cld have been outside already.

Personally, if my fren were to cancelled an appt so last min esp when i'm already outside, i wld feel mega down & sian to the core. Really owe her this time.. hope to make it up by treating her to a meal barhz.. haven't told her yet though.

Mananged to make a police report and would be going to make a new IC tomorrow morning.. msged my boss that i be applying an urgent leave tomorrow. but sigh, guess if the whole IC session finish early, i might go back to office..can't help but to do my never ending workloads. Not working tommorrow would equal a day less to meet the quening up deadlines. Basically if i were to stay at home, physically i might be watching tv but mentally would be thinking about my work.

Sighz.. what a day spend today. Gonna make myself feel better by telling myself that i ain't killing time by doing redunctant stuff.. gonna go study.

Read this from a site, in chinese stating:

Tian Di Xia Mei You Bu Shang Yan Xi.

People come and go, we got to learn to let go and treasure those moments spend.


It's a known fact and would ring a bell in anyone's head but it hurts when one have to digest the sentence, word by word..and understand it from the heart.

It always happen in my life, the friendship with Jingyin has expired.. but there's another which i refuse to let it expire..

Though no matter how much i reject the fact that the friendship we once have, how important u r in my life has already dispersed and just like a wedding dinner, once it's over..people each go their separate ways living their own life.

Why am i so stubborn? why i do i take it so hard to digest..? I just don know how to do it... how to stop mentioning abt u again & again, to stop repeating the same sentence.

Maybe i just love to live in a self deceptive world of my own.

Just to be loved..

I'm staring blankly at the screen

All that going through my mind right now is:

I want a boyfriend
I want someone to love me
I want someone to shower attention, care & concern on me
I want someone to make me happy
I want someone to make me laugh
I want to have a shoulder to lean on
I want a company..

Maybe i am just too stressed out at work...

Shopping Spreeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sighz.. went to check my e-mails and received a few messages at Tagged, a website that is similar to Friendster.. i kinda joined for fun but simply no time to bother to update it.

Are guys in their 20s so desparado? Initially as i went to check, 4 guys send a msg to say hello-so lame..
and few minutes later, my screen pops up and says there's a new msg at tagged. sighz.. photos are deceiving..i'm no pretty chick. So they better find someone else to send msgs to as such msg will not be entertained by me. I simply read for the fun of it but have not even 0.01% of intention to reply.

Applied for half day leave today to go shopping with my cousin, i just needed a break from my never-ending work. Felt so weird in leaving office at 1pm..and even as i was on the way to meet my cousin, my mind can't help but to think about the stuffs i got to clear on monday and wanted to go back to office tmr but my boss asked me not to, told me to enjoy my weekends insteadz. sighz..oh well,i'm such a workaholic.

Went to Chinatown People's Park Market level 2 & 3 to shop but in the end, only bought 1 top there..the 2nd time going there seems more boring and most of the shops due to Chinese New Year have changed their target audience to aunties instead.. and thus when Sharon came to join us, the three of us decide to go to Far East to shop instead.

As i was leaving, saw one of his grp of friends..don't think she recognised me. the sight of his friend just lead me to think of him instead. As the 3 of us walked to the bus stop..i was feeling all Emo again and walk silently infront. I'm glad that my cousin didn't notice my change of expression as i didn't want to say it out.

My mood changed for the better when i saw a jacket and oh my, it so damn nice.. a jacket that i have love at first sight for. The shop assistant told me they imported it from Korea..cool.. though it cost $40 i knew i just have to get it even it means eating bread for lunch.. not getting the jacket = keep thinking of it = dream of it=feel sad. And thus i got it, just like a kid receiving ice-cream,i was smiling as i got it. Was simply so satisfied with it that later on at Ya Kun, i keep irritating Sharon by emphasing how much i love the jacket, how i really felt the love at 1st sight of it. hiakz.

At the end of the day, i got 4 tops, out of which 2 r jackets, 1 cardigan and 1 formal top. All these tops fall into the office wear category.. sighz.. i just can't get my mind out of my job.
I shall take these clothes as a long term investment so as not to feel guilty in spending so much..
This marks the end of my shopping for this month or else i end up eating bread & butter for the rest of the month.

Shopping is just the best relaxation in life..it's all about pampering yourself and loving oneself.


Came back home feeling sick with a bad bad headache and after popping 4 panadols just didn't helped.. only managed to recover after a while.. wanted to sleep but can't thus decide to surft net instead and also update my blog at the same time.


Gonna sleep soonz..guess even if i want to go back office guess i can't.. couldn't afford to fall sick again..

Thank God for the healing..